Today was Solomon's due date. He would've been 40 weeks today. Instead of celebrating the arrival of my son, I'm mourning him. I sit here on my bed with cabbage leaves on my swollen breasts, a diaper size sanitary pad, and a belly that looks like I'm still pregnant. But no baby to be seen. It is heart shattering to even think of, let alone live through. The hardest part is accepting the mystery of it all. There is no definitive method to determine if a baby will survive a true tie knot, or not. Acceptance is the only path and stay somewhat sane for the continuance of my life.
Staying strong and focused for my 3 daughters is no easy feat. We are grieving together, as they lost their brother. I encourage them to express any and all emotions that are coming through. I affirmed there was no one to blame about this loss, no matter what we said, did, or thought before his passing. I remind them they have a guardian angel who is always watching out for them now. We are grieving as a family and seeing mom burst out crying is as acceptable as bursting out laughing. Grief is expressed in many ways and their is no "right" way to grieve. What's important is that we are loving a d kind to one another in the process. We're planning on making a scrapbook for Solomon and planting some potted flowers I've received. We will speak of Solomon daily, and celebrate his birthday every year. While Solomon is not here in the flesh,he is always in our heart and in Spirit. Sometimes, that's as good as we get, and we're working our way through being okay with that.
Long Lives King Solomon!