Birthdate and Death Date

King Solomon's birthdate is the same as his death date. 1 week ago I felt the urgency to go to the Emergency room. I hadn't felt Baby Solomon move like he normally did and began to worry. At the same time I felt like he was preparing himself for his entrance into the world. I had cramps all morning long and figured he'd slowed down to conserve energy. I woke up later than usual and decided to drink some apple juice to stimulate his movements. But I felt no movement, so I then crunched some ice. Which didn't produce any movement either. I started preparing myself to go to the Emergency room, however my youngest was headed to Woodward Skate Camp and I had to wait for her to depart. Her dad was expected to arrive by noon, because the trip was 3 hours away, and check in was anytime before 4pm. 10 minutes after being picked up by her dad I received a phone call saying he'd broken down at the gas station. I had to rush over and pick them up, to then be dropped off at home, in order for my daughter make check in at 4pm.  I was left with no car which is why I took and Uber to the emergency room. I arrived Downey PIH at 2:20pm and they quickly checked me in. Within the hour I was in a room, with a nurse using a Doppler to listen for Solomon's heartbeat. I only heard mine, as did she. She them advised they were doing an ultrasound, and arrived with the machine within minutes. The technician began to scan my belly, as the doctor walked in. I heard her say "this is the chamber" and they looked sad. The doctor came around and said "I'm sorry" and nothing else. 

I began to wait but felt so lost as they kept asking "is there anyone we can call for you", and I had to keep repeating that everyone I wanted to be there was hours away. It was Sunday and everyone had plans that day and we're unavailable. Until I remembered my birthing coach and friend, Arlene. I didn't even think to call her since I wasn't technically "birthing" at that moment. I messaged her and she was so quick to arrive! 

I was advised I'd be transferred to Whittier PIH, because Downey had no labor and delivery department since the pandemic started. Arlene sat with me as we waited for the ambulance to arrive, load me up and head to that hardest moment in my entire life. 

On the way to Whittier PIH, my baby daddy called and I broke down in the ambulance. I told him there was no heartbeat. He cried and I did too. 

I was placed in a delivery room and greeted by a soft spoken woman who was extremely kind and compassionate. She explained everything to me with detail and allowed me to ask questions and concerns. I requested a second ultrasound to confirm that Kind Solomon's heart was no longer beating with life. Doctor Gray explained what would happen next, based on where my body was in the labor process. I was informed my cervix was dilated 2 cm and therefore could start on pitocin and begin the actual labor process. I asked if I could just go home and wait and they advised it would mean risking my own health. My own rational mind just accepted this and wanted to "get to the other side" of this experience. 

Everything moved really slow and was in my control. They allowed me start pitocin when I was ready, and it was on a slow drip, so the contractions built up like a "normal" delivery. 

By 2am, the contractions were intense and I was doing my best to lean into the pain and relax. I was in active labor. My mind on the edge of reality, never really thinking beyond the pain, the here and now of it all. By 3am I asked for IV pain meds and then my body began to feel immense pressure on my perineum. I knew I was ready to push. The pain medsade me so drowsy, I was in a realm that wasn't real. As if my body had stepped away and all that was left was the shell. I kepty eyes closed the entire time after that. The actual delivery of Solomon was so intense to recall at this moment. He was born at 4:25am, asleep to this world. They cut the umbilical cord and took him to the baby bed to clean up. Doctor Gray then helped me deliver my placenta, which is when he discovered 2 true tie knots. He held one up and said "I think this is what caused him to pass" and explained that the knots tightened and didn't allow any oxygen or nutrients to pass through. 

The nurse came over with Baby Solomon and handed him to me. I just held him and looked at him and cried. He was so heavy, and healthy, and perfect. After about an hour I told the nurse she could take him. It was so hard to send him away with her knowing I'd never see him again. 

Instead, he'd some back to me in a memory box with pictures, hand and feet prints and a teddy bear, which has been named Solobear. 

One. Week. Ago. 

My life changed forever and I'll have to live with this memory. 

I'll celebrate his birthday which is also his death date. 

No parent should ever have to "celebrate" in that manner. However, I'll honor my son every chance I get, until the day I die. 

Long Live King Solomon 💙👼